Why "I Wonder" is Powerful in Child-Led Play (Occupational Therapy Perspective)

During play, the words adults choose matter just as much as the toys. One simple phrase "I wonder...." can have a powerful impact on a child's development. Using "I wonder..." during play is a simple language shift that powerfully supports your child's thinking, confidence, and connection with you, and it fits beautifully with how occupational therapists use play to build skills for daily life.

Why Language Matters in Play

Play is a child's primary occupation. It is how they explore their environment, test ideas, build relationships, and develop skills. When adults direct play too heavily through instructions, corrections, or constant questions, play can shift from child-led exploration to adult managed performance.

"I wonder turns a question into an invitation. "I wonder what will happen when you pour that in" or "I wonder what the princess is going to do next".

• It keeps play child-led because you are joining their idea instead of steering it.

• It reduces pressure and allows for uncertainty.

• It gives the child a space to think, plan, and try out ideas.

How "I Wonder..." Supports Development

Encourages Executive Function Skills

Executive Function such as planning, flexibility, problem-solving and impulse control develop through experience, not instruction alone.

When you say:

• "I wonder what is going to happen when you put the big block on the top?"

• "I wonder what else we could try."

You are inviting the child to:

• Think ahead

• Notice how their actions change the situation (cause and effect)

• Try out and then adjust plan

Sensory Motor Processing and Motor Planning

Using "I wonder..." during active play encourages kids to move, experiment, and try new ways to use their bodies and connect to how their body feels. It can help a child to better understand where their body is in space (body awareness) and how to plan and carry out movements (motor planning). Instead of telling them exactly what to do or what their body is feeling, "I wonder..." invites them to explore and figure things out.

When you say:

• "I wonder if your body needs to crash or a squeeze"

• "I wonder if that feels too much or just right"

• "I wonder how your body can slow down before it hits the wall"

• "I wonder how you can move your body to fit in the tunnel"

• "I wonder how your body can get up there safely"

• "I wonder what your plan is"

  
  

It helps your child understand their world and their bodies better.

Parent-Child Connection

"I wonder..." statements tell your child: your ideas matter and I am interested in them. It allows you to become a co-player instead of a director, which strenghtens the relationship. Curious and playful facial expressions and tone increase engagement and shared joy.

• Follow your child's lead: use "I wonder..." to join their ideas, not replace it.

• Use it sometimes, not all the time, so play still feels natural.

• Pause afterward and let them think, experiment, or keep playing without needing to answer out loud.

Instead of "what color is that?"

Try: "I wonder what color you'll choose next."

Instead of "Where is the cow?"

Try: "I wonder where the cow is hiding"

Stay Curious

The next time you sit down to play, try swapping one direction or question for a gentle "I wonder..." You may be surprised with how your child leans in, stays engaged longer, and shows you some unexpected ideas. Small shifts in the way we speak can create big changes in connection, confidence, and development one playful moment at a time.